Beautiful Mess by Lucy V. Morgan

Why I read it:   Jayne from Dear Author had a great review of this one.  And, after I read that,  realising I already had the book on my TBR I moved it on up to the top of the pile.
A review mainly in quotes:  This cute funny short story is about Bailey, who lives with 3 male roommates (well, one doesn’t actually live there but he’s there so often he might as well) and what happens after her boyfriend of 2 years dumps her.  The boys decide to cheer her up with some pizza and Jagermeister.  As Bailey is a one pot wonder, before long she’s confessing that her ex never gave her an orgasm.  The boys’ responses are hilarious. I had many laugh out loud moments in this one.

“It does take a while sometimes,” said Olly.

“But you have to find the buttons before you can push them, so to speak. Preferably before you get a hand cramp.”
 “Or neck cramp,” said Tom.

“It’s better if you get some feedback. It’s like the videos me and Ol make.” Linc paused. “The better a reaction you get for the first bit, the more you enjoy doing the second bit, and then…”

“It does get dull if she’s not doing anything,” Olly cut in. “You’re like, ‘fucking hell, we‘re not doing the ironing!’”


“So what do you suggest I do, then?” I said finally. “Go out and molest men until I find one with your sexual prowess, Ol?”

“Oh God, I don’t know.” He rolled his eyes at me. “I mean, you might do all sorts of weird things like not let them go down on you, or you might not actually know where your clit

“Or sometimes it’s just too hairy and you wish that she’d wouldn’t let you,” Tom said glumly.

“I’m not a freak,” I muttered. “And I’m not that hairy either.”

“Not that hair is bad,” said Olly quickly,“just that nobody wants friction burns. Or to suddenly be transported to the Mongolian wilderness when she takes her knickers off.”

I loved the way the boys were portrayed – completely authentic, geeky and funny.  I’m looking forward to Olly’s story which I believe is coming out soon.  There are also some fun shorts and deleted scenes on the author’s website.    It also has the best insult ever, vis: Tosspot wank-bastard fucktarded nonce captain
What else?  The author is based in the UK and unlike my experience in Never Enough, the British idiom was spot on.  The only thing I questioned was her use of the word “ow” for an exclamation of pleasure. Normally I see it used for pain.  I’m not sure if that’s a British thing or a Lucy V. Morgan thing.
It’s only 52 pages so it’s easy to read in one sitting.  And worth it.  Did I mention it’s funny?

I mean, it’d been a week since I broke up with a guy who not only chewed my heart up and spat it out, but slowly re-ingested it so he could shit it on to crackers and feed it to parrots with attachment issues.

Grade:  B+
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